What do you see?

I see a couple clearly in love and committed. Enough that they would start a business together as well as a family.

I see a family that has chosen to have children, meaning they believe that they are in a good situation and that wanted a child.

I see a boy who was not an accident, who did not force his parents to marry, who will never be resented for his presence.

In short, I see a loving, wholesome, happy family. Far more so than every Christian, hetero couple I've ever met.

And yes, I called Swanson and told them so. I hope they show couples like this in their ad, and other companies follow suit. This is what a healthy family looks like, regardless of the genders of the adults.

It's still the crazy season

In my house the crazy season starts the week before Thanksgiving, when I get the Holiday Binder down and make my list for the big dinner. Two weeks later is the big hospital fundraiser, then three weeks after that is Krismas, with all the gifts and decorating in between. A week to New Years, and then two weeks after that we board the California Zephyr (seen above) to go spend two weeks in Colorado with my in-laws.

This year I added several doctors appointments to that mix, a tentative diagnosis of diabetes for me, with more testing to come, and a dear friend who has been/is both moving and changing jobs over the holiday.

Yes, it has been insane around here. And it's not over yet.

I'll be back to regular updating as soon as I can.

Still here

Holiday insanity has hit, and is still hitting.

New posts soon, one hopes.

Have a good Krismas everyone.

What would you do if you didn't have a job?

Jennifer A. Slater explores that in an essay for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

If you’re currently unemployed, don’t despair — set aside a certain amount of time for scouring the want ads, making phone calls and doing your share of worrying — but then take a break from it. You are defined by more than your role as provider or by your occupation for that matter — there’s so much more. Don’t waste this opportunity.

What are some things you’ve always wanted to do but never had time for? Think of things you could accomplish that would make your life easier when you do go back to work. Here are some ideas:

She then goes on to list a series of ideas that will sound terribly familiar to stay-at-home-wives:

• Cooking - "It became my mission to pore through my cookbooks and spoil my children with home-cooked meals that I had never had the time or energy to prepare."
  
• Cleaning - " I cleaned my house! And I’m not talking just hitting the big spots — I mean really cleaned!"
• Home upkeep - "Like anyone else I have a Honey-Do list. The only problem is, I’m the only Honey in the house"
• Finishing projects, in her case a book - "This has been one of the most personally rewarding gifts I have received during this drought."
• Learning new ways to be frugal - "I actually take time now to read the ads for sales and cut out coupons and then plan every week’s meals accordingly. What a concept! I honestly cannot believe the amount of money I’ve saved."
• Spending time with your kids. - "why didn’t I do this before? Oh yeah, I was always working."

So, cooking for your kids = spoiling them now? Cleaning and maintaining your home is some how special? I can understand finishing a project, but I thought everyone knew about menu planning and saving money. They may not have the time to do it, but they knew about it.

That last one is the kicker for me. Have kids you never spend time with. Why have them in the first place?

She's floored that these things can actually be enjoyable, enriching, and contribute to society. Holy cr*p Batman, it's good to be a housewife!

The only problem being that she's a single mom with three kids, so she has to go back to work. Too bad she didn't think of this before she had them. Too bad the baby boomers (or the feminists or the corporate overlords, pick your arch enemy of the past 40 years) lied to her about how enjoyable, how simply good, it is to take care of your home and family.

My suggestion to her, if she really doesn't want a husband (which is going to be hard to find with three kids anyway) would be to form a co-op house with some other single parents, of any kind of orientation. Because while those things are fun for you (I know, a shock) they are amazingly good for your kids. A well-run home, healthy meals, and attention go a long way towards making good kids into good adults.

Take it from the housewives.

Tolerance - Thou Shalt Not Steal

Photo copyright Freedom From Religion Foundation

From CNN.com:

Missing atheist sign found in Washington state
By Molly Simpson
CNN

(CNN) -- An atheist sign criticizing Christianity that was erected alongside a Nativity scene was taken from the Legislative Building in Olympia, Washington, on Friday and later found in a ditch.
----
The incident will not stifle the group's message, Gaylor said. Before reports of the placard's recovery, she said a temporary sign with the same message would be placed in the building's Rotunda. Gaylor said a note would be attached saying, "Thou shalt not steal."

"I guess they don't follow their own commandments," Gaylor said. "There's nothing out there with the atheist point of view, and now there is such a firestorm that we have the audacity to exist. And then [whoever took the sign] stifles our speech."

According to the Seattle Times, and as seen in this photo:


Copyright Ellen M. Banner/The Seattle Times

The display consists of a small sign over on the left, near a large nativity scene, and there is supposed to be a menorah around there somewhere. So no, no one has driven Christ or Christmas away from anything. He's still right there, front and center. All we want is equal time.

I want to respond to this somehow, I do. But PZ Myers is calling for us all to take the high road and not declare open season on Nativity scenes. The point is freedom of speech is for everyone.

Personally I think it's fear based. When all you have is a myth that you have to misrepresent in order to even imply that it has any morality at all, threats abound.

Maybe posters nearby. It's a thought.

Five rules for being an adult

Five rules for being an adult. By Annie Lamott. With commentary

1. Have nothing wrong with you.
2. If you do have something wrong with you, don't admit to yourself.
3. If you cannot deny what is wrong with you, hide it from others.
4. If you cannot hide it, at least have the decency to not show up.
5. If you insist on showing up, be ashamed.

------

They sound horrid on first look. But once you get into them, they make sense.


1. Have nothing wrong with you.

You are an adult now. Dealing with your baggage is your own problem. So deal with it. Get thee to a doctor, a shrink, a spiritual adviser, what have you until your issues are worked out. This includes all the issues coming from/dealing with your deity. No one else is going to fix them for you, you have to do the work.

2. If you do have something wrong with you, don't admit to yourself.

If you have yet to do this work, and a situation comes up, emergent or social or otherwise, please try to ignore your issues for the duration and focus on the situation at hand. This means don't bring them up. Do not discuss your deity (including asking everyone to pray), do not discuss your elation/misery over the most recent election, do not comment on your looks or anyone elses, and so on. Don't even think such things if at all possible, so no hint of it will be picked up on by the people around you.

3. If you cannot deny what is wrong with you, hide it from others.

This is the lite version of #2. If you can't stop thinking it for the duration, at the very least don't share. We don't want to know. We have the situation to focus on.

4. If you cannot hide it, at least have the decency to not show up.

If you can't hide it and cannot or will not stop sharing stay home. This goes out especially to those who follow a deity that requires them to pass judgment on others, and those who have body issues that cause them to pass judgment on others. If my size or who I love or the way I dress or the manner in which I raise my children or how I vote or whether or not I submit to anything is something you feel that strongly about, if it is going to be your main focus, just stay home. Don't bother to come out. The adults have a situation to deal with, we do not have time or energy to put into your issue.

5. If you insist on showing up, be ashamed.

You're screwing up life for the rest of us, and making the situation worse. Really, you're acting terribly childish. You should be ashamed.

(h/t to Maggie @ Group News Blog)
--------

Update: According to Maggie Jochild, in the comments here:

The 5 Rules for Being An Adult are sarcasm, folks. She's pointing out how we try to live by impossible, inhumane standards. It's a case of "root out this beliefs inside you and ditch them", because, as she often points out, perfectionism is mental illness.

Because EVERYONE has something "wrong" with them. I read these as a manifesto against self-hatred, especially with regard to the "things wrong" which are utterly visible in our culture, like being nonwhite, being nonmale, being disabled, looking poor, being a child...

It is sarcasm and needs to be rooted out when it applies to such things as being non-white, non-male, disabled and so on. Things that just can't change, that just are.

In my opinion, however, they still apply when referring to such things as prejudice, sexism, homophobia, fatphobia, overt religiosity, and so on.

Well said

Giving credit where credit is due

I tend to rant and rage against most practicing Christians, usually because the hypocrisy gets to me so much. One of the things that always drove me insane was how most pro-life groups stopped caring about the baby once it was safely out. I always wondered why it was so wonderful to save a baby, and then not concern themselves with all the children in foster care.

Finally, Focus on the Family is fixing that.

From their website:

Christians have a clear command to care for orphans, and there are many ways to get involved-like praying, giving, mobilizing your church, or adopting. Whichever you decide, we'll provide guidance and support as you walk down this incredibly rewarding path. So embrace the call, avoid the trap of thinking "someone else will help," and let's make the US a place where every orphan waiting in foster care has a family.

Our hope is that you begin to see the face of Christ in each of these children.

From the Denver Post

Adoption effort gets "phenomenal" results
By Electa Draper
The Denver Post
Updated: 11/26/2008 12:36:23 AM MST

About 250 families took the first steps toward adoption of the 790 children waiting in the state's foster-care system after Saturday's "Wait No More" event at New Life Church in Colorado Springs.

Religious organizations traditionally help with adoptions, state officials said, but the 1,300-person turnout at the one-day event, sponsored by Focus on the Family and New Life, was unprecedented.

It is two to three times the number of people who attend adoption orientations in the seven participating counties in one full year, said Dr. Sharen Ford of the Colorado Division of Child Welfare Services.

"It was phenomenal. It's never happened before that we had faith-based groups, county governments, the state and other agencies in one place at one time," Ford said. "People care about Colorado's kids."

In Colorado, more than 8,000 children are in foster care, said Denver Department of Human Services spokeswoman Laura Coale. Only 790 of them are available for permanent adoption because parental rights have been terminated in their cases, she said.

Focus on the Family's Orphan Care Initiative also will help adoptive families find resources after a child's placement.

"The ultimate goal is to have no children in foster care in Colorado," said Kelly Rosati, senior director of Focus on the Family's Sanctity of Human Life division.

Yes!! I have to applaud them in their efforts. This is a huge problem, and I am absolutely thrilled that they are putting their considerable resources toward solving it.

I disagree with Focus on the Family on just about every other point. But on this issue, right here, I finally have to give them credit.

Patriocentrics take note

Quite possibly that should be patriocentrics and other religious nuts. The bible might say "spare the rod and spoil the child" or some such nelly nonsense, but....

From USA Today

Police: Boy charged with killing dad vowed spanking limit

By Dennis Wagner, The Arizona Republic
PHOENIX — An 8-year-old St. Johns, Ariz., boy charged with double-homicide may have kept a written record of spankings by his parents, vowing that the 1,000th would be his limit, according to a police records released Friday.

A search affidavit by Sgt. Lucas Rodriguez says the child "is believed to have made ledgers and or communicated in the form of writings about his intentions. (The boy) told a CPS. .. worker that when he reached one thousand spankings. .. that would be his limit. (The boy) kept a tally of his spankings on a piece of paper."

In a statement to police a day after the Nov. 5 killings, the boy said he had been spanked the day before the shootings because he did not complete a school assignment.

Assuming that they started beating on the kid at birth he was being beaten every three days. If you assume they started when he was older he was being beaten every other day or perhaps daily.

Don't blame the kid for snapping. Not one bit.

And do not say that a spanking isn't a beating. You are hitting a child to cause pain, it's a beating. I don't care if it's open handed or done with some implement, I don't care if you are angry or calm, I don't care if your preferred parenting guru or some holy book told you it was acceptable, it's BEATING and it's WRONG. Pure and simple.

Not only does it leave your children hateful and resentful of you, but it destroys their trust in you. So when the bullies want them to commit a crime for them or the bad man comes after them, they aren't going to tell you. They're afraid of you, they might tell you, the person who is supposed to love them and protect them, and you might hit them for it.

Is this the relationship you want with your children?

Do you want them waiting for the day they can leave? Counting the days until they turn 18/graduate high school so they can never look back?

Do you want them to dream of killing you? Do you want them to hate you that much?

Do you?

Ahead of the melamine curve

From the Washington Post:

Public health groups, consumer advocates and members of Congress blasted the Food and Drug Administration yesterday for failing to act after discovering trace amounts of the industrial chemical melamine in baby formula sold in the United States.
.....

The FDA found melamine and cyanuric acid, a related chemical, in samples of baby formula made by major U.S. manufacturers. Melamine can cause kidney and bladder stones and, in worst cases, kidney failure and death. If melamine and cyanuric acid combine, they can form round yellow crystals that can also damage kidneys and destroy renal function.

Melamine was found in Good Start Supreme Infant Formula With Iron made by Nestle, and cyanuric acid was detected in Enfamil Lipil With Iron infant formula powder made by Mead Johnson. A spokesman for Nestle did not respond to repeated calls and e-mails for comment yesterday.

Gail Wood, a spokeswoman for Mead Johnson, said the company does not think that cyanuric acid poses a health threat to infants. "Cyanuric acid is approved by the FDA to sanitize processing equipment," she said. "The risks of not sanitizing equipment are far greater than ultra trace amounts of residual cyanuric acid found in the formula."

......

Agency scientists have maintained they could not set a safe level of melamine exposure for babies because they do not understand the effects of long-term exposure on a baby's developing kidneys. The problem is exacerbated by the fact that infant formula is a baby's sole source of food for many months. Premature infants absorb an especially large dose of the chemical, compared with full-term babies.

Breastfeed, peeps, breastfeed. They released this article on Thanksgiving Day. Not that they were trying to hide it or anything.