A reply

Picture: Yale University Library

Oh Athiest!

Don’t leave me hanging like a monkey in a tree
Don’t let evolution get you ahead of me
Wait for us be patient we’re coming right along
Pretty soon we’ll grow legs and jump out of the pond
You’re helping evolution you’re taking a stand
Monkeys can be like you too if you give them a hand

Take your time be patient were not too far behind
If you argue with us long enough it’s not a waste of time
If we can’t give up religion and it really bothers you
Just lock us in a cage and put us in a zoo

CHORUS

Oh Atheist, Oh PHD, of the university
Help me to see, how I can be more than a monkey
Oh Atheist, Oh PHD, of the university
Help me to get out of my tree and give up my morality

Now if you try hard enough your efforts will prevail
We’ll quit our jobs, smoke some pot, and study hard at Yale
But don’t forget we’re not the only ones that need to be like you
Our ancestors the monkeys are still living in the zoo
So if you’re a true atheist and want to treat them fair
Give them an education and a cushy office chair

Teach them to read and write and practice birth control
They’ll need abortion doctors since they won’t have a soul
We’ll join with the monkeys on the path to be like you
We’ll live like you, think like you, and clean up monkey poo

CHORUS

We’ll all get educations and high paying office jobs
So we can take vacations and spend it all like snobs
We’ll have a gender identity crisis to resolve
Just be there to assure us its part of the process to evolve

If you come and help us we’ll get it figured out
We’ll be bi- or homo- sexual without a shadow of a doubt
And if I’m not evolved enough for homosexuality
There’s still pornography for me to watch on my TV
In the end your sacrifice will be worth it all for me
To live my life for food and sex, will make more than a monkey out of me!

CHORUS

Found here. I can't get that link to work right on my machine, hopefully you'll have better luck.

So being an Athiest means someone with a good, university education, a "cushy" office job and enough money to go on regular vacations, all of which makes you a snob. And of course you should never understand evolution or enjoy your sex life. Ever. All of that is bad and wrong and evil. While those who spend all their time talking to their invisible friend and reading the Magic Book rather than doing anything else with their life are vastly superior to us educated, employed types.

Right.

Ahem -

1Jesus went unto the mount of Olives.

2And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them.

3And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,

4They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.

5Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?

6This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.

7So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

8And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.

9And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.

10When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

11She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

John 8:1-11, KJV

19Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

20Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

21Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

Galatians 5:19-21

Your rules, not mine.