Monday, November 29, 2010

A humorous reply to a manefesto on pants

I have to reply to Simcha Fischer's "Pants: A Manifesto". Because it's not about morality at all. Really.

1) I live in the Pacific Northwest where anything made of cloth that comes within an inch of the ground turns into a dishcloth 80% of the year. A skirt and decent boots keeps things dry. Skirts.

2) My husband also finds pants neutral, while skirts on women affect him. However, thanks to the hormones I'm taking it's always the good time in the cycle around here. Skirts.

3) I don't have children, however I used to teach elementary school so I know from kids and floors. But I also spent 12 years in a Catholic schoolgirls uniform, where I did everything in a skirt. For me sitting on a floor in a skirt is far more comfortable, modest and natural than trying to get up and down in pants. Skirts.

4) I think most people consider teaching to be a pink collar job. That said, after my Catholic school training I had no problem lunging after little Johnny in a skirt, and never once thought about being graceful or modest. In fact, given that my body shape is the exact opposite of the average American woman, which means that even pants that fit are never cut right, lunging is harder for me in pants. If they aren't heading south they're threatening to split. Skirts

5) My life doesn't have to be hard either. Pants chafe. Skirts

6) My husband also hates shopping, combines with the above comment that most clothing isn't cut right for me. So rather than even bothering to try this utterly, faintingly, femininely
"drooling idiot" sews her own. And a crotch seam is a bitch. Skirts.

7) My husband has the same vision problem, he can't see an item until it's on. And he does admire the look of a skirt on a woman. Skirts

8) I agree that it's all about control from the various church types. Which is why I'm doing exactly what I want to do, and if it happens to also be what they want, its a coincidence. Skirts.

9) I agree, anyone who worries about what I think about myself ought to ask me. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by my self-esteem and personal strength. I'll also happily tell you that I think that has a lot more to do with the medication I'm taking than the cloth hanging off my ass. And then I'll tell you what I think about you. Skirts.

10) I agree, fat butts look horrible in too small stretch pants. And I admittedly have a fat butt, so I prefer to dress it in a skirt. That said, you, you hypothetical patriocentric religious type, are still an asshole. Skirts.

Women if you want to wear pants, if they make you comfortable and you think you look good, then I think you ought to go right ahead and wear pants. I even envy you the cool, comfortable, American Country Casual look in jeans, I wish I could pull off the look.

But it's not a moral issue. At all. I utterly agree on that.

Even if you wear skirts.

Be comfortable. Enjoy your life.

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