Wednesday, August 05, 2009

A response to Lady Lydia

Lilac Time by Lee Dublin

I've posted a response to "Lady" Lydia Sherman on her blog Guard The Home. As she has comment moderation on, I will be pleasantly surprised if it actually appears there. So, here's a copy for the record.

First off, while I understand that your policy of anonymous commenting is designed to protect the commenters, I prefer to put my name to my comment. I prefer to own my words and take responsibility for them, for one, and for another I am not afraid of people coming back to my blog and posting comments of their own. I believe a comment reflects back to the commenter, for good or ill, and not the blog owner. However, since this is your blog, if you prefer to take my name off, I will not complain.

That said, I finally have to respectfully disagree with you, and your description of "rebels".

I have been quite happily married for nine years now. For seven of those I have been a keeper in my home, taking care of my husband and our little nest. He is well employed, a proud military veteran, and is currently studying to be a civil engineer. We're not wealthy, but we are self-sufficient and comfortable. My in-laws, who have been married almost forty years and are active members of their church, are quite proud of us and the lives we lead, and have said so both to us and to other friends and family members. We are all quite close, and even though they love several states away we visit a number of times a year.

And yet, I do believe you would consider us rebels.

For one thing my husband has never taken "headship" in our home. We make decisions equally. discussing each one until a mutual decision has been agreed upon. I do not "submit" to him in any way, shape or form. I do what I do around the house not because it is my duty but because it suits the common good or because it will make him happy. And he does things for me for the same reason. Yes, I do consider myself a feminist, and at times have been politically active as such, as has my husband. We are currently working for the right for homosexuals to marry, and a number of our friends who are close enough to be called brothers and sisters are both homosexual and married. And yes, our marriage is as strong as ever.

For another, I have very little contact with my family, especially my Mother. I do not "honor" my mother, simply because she does not deserve it. She's been through three marriages, each one more abusive than the last, and I cannot trust her not to cause us harm by bringing another abusive man home. Her lifestyle is utterly against our values, such that we cannot even go over to her home. And she is usually combative and manipulative when we have dealings with her. She's repeatedly told me she wished she had aborted me, but her mother prevented her from doing so, and that she doesn't consider me her daughter. For the sake of our mental health and marriage it's much better for us to avoid her whenever possible.

Finally, as you might have guessed, we are not members of any church. In fact we are both atheists. I do consider my self a Unitarian Univeralist, and affirm the seven principals, and my husband follows a philosophy based on Buddhist teachings. But neither of us believe in any sort of a supreme being, or that the bible is anything other than fiction, and we do not care what stand it takes on any issue.

And yet contrary to what you espouse, we do not live in a car. Neither of us has ever done drugs or an STD, and I've not had an abortion. We don't commit crimes, or live lives of poverty or ugliness. I hold a dual degree in computer networking and education, have held a teaching certificate and taught third grade for eight years. My husband is late getting his degree as he joined the US Marine Corps after high school, and spent eight years serving his country before starting college. We live in a comfortable apartment, as we see no reason to go through the trouble of home ownership until we decide where to settle. We love to read and listen to jazz and create things for our home. I am currently working toward Masters certifications from both the Knitting and Embroidery Guilds of America, and he is learning woodworking during his breaks from school. In fact, at the moment he's outside building a rocking chair for me so that I can enjoy the lovely weather from the patio. Our lives hardly fit your description of the "rebel", and yet in your world we most certainly would be exactly that.

So I am afraid I must disagree with your portrait of the "rebel", Lady Lydia. Just because children disagree with their parents, that doesn't mean that they are home wreckers, living in misery and destroying lives all around them. It can mean that they are adults, with differing opinions and differing ways of looking at the world.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Kudos to you! I am glad to see you being successful (despite "Lady Lydia's" total intolerance towards womens' independence) and moving forward with life! Thank you!